Spilled Guts

[Rudge]

I have to tell you all something, I turn to you as family. There, I said it.

Now, I have some news and I would like honest opinions.

My uncle died last night. That's not really news, he was dieing and everyone knew it, including him (he actually when so far as to set up the funeral arrangements himself).

He still lived in the same house that I remember visiting when I was a kid. Apparently, he and my Aunt have lived there for their entire married lives since the 60's

This is all beside the point.

The point is, I haven't seen, or had any contact with him or his family since I was a kid.

I am however very close to my mother. And this was her brother that died.

Now, she tells me that she does not need me to be there for her, (she has 2 other sons and a daughter that live close by).

Is she lying to me because she knows it's a 5 hour trip or do you think she really needs me to be there?

Perhaps typing it out has helped.

I think I have to go to Senoia Ga. for the weekend.
Perhaps I will see some zombies

[gseaman]

I believe she is telling you the truth. But sometimes people don't always know what they need in these situations. So, if you can be there, I suspect that you should. I normally don't give this type of advice, but you asked.

I am sorry for you and your family's loss.

Galen

[Rudge]

I wish I knew what to do. If I go, I am likely to run into one of my x's. There's that.  

[Reb]

other siblings are closer, but at a time of loss, I'm sure she would like to see "all" the family 

I would say, your mum is giving you the option, she knows you are a long way away, and you may have to face an ex.

But hey, I reckon she would be pleased to see you, what mother wouldn't be pleased to see her son ?

just my 2 cents

we're also sorry to hear of your family's loss, our thoughts are with you (whatever you decide).

[AndrzejL]

I wish I knew what to do.

Then I will tell You. Do what Your conscious tells You to do. Not the heart. Not the head. Conscious knows best. Will You feel guilty if You won't go? If the answer is yes - go. If the answer is no - You can stay at home.

It's that simple.

Regards.

Andrzej

[joechimp]

Rudge, just my humble advice to you my friend.

Never mind who you might bump into. Go be by your Mother's side. Go to the wake. Go to the funeral. Don't go to the after gathering, that will prevent you from being uncomfortable and bumping into people you don't want to see.
Stay in a motel and that will keep you out of the mix as well. Your Mother will appreciate the fact that you cared enough to be there for her.

When my Sister passed away last fall, I was forced to see people that I never want to see again. I even had to sit down and eat with them. It took all I had, to do that, while mourning the loss of my Sister.

What I am saying, is, it is what you do for family. In my case of course it was my Sister. I would go there no matter what.

It is hard seeing people that you don't want to see but you need to keep blinders on and keep telling yourself that you are there for your Mother. Your Mother just lost the closest person to her other than her children and husband.

I am very sorry for the loss and hope you do what you think is right for you. Good Luck my friend.

[luikki]

Go be by your Mother's side.

a big +1

what mother wouldn't be pleased to see her son ?

[Bald Brick]

The important thing is not whether your mother meant what she said. It's whether she'd appreciate your being with her.

Besides, are you certain you'll still recognize your exes. Or they you? (I had an assistant a long time ago who met her x-husband after thirty years. Neither of them recognized the other.... Time goes by.)  

[dcwbis]

Just my idea of another option.  Don't go to the funeral - many others will be there.  But go see your mother very shortly thereafter.  Spend some time with her by yourself (and any other members of your family who may go with you). This will give her company when everyone else has gone.

[RobNJ]

Go to the funeral.
Even if you mother SAYS you don't need to be there... she will appreciate having you there.

And, in the future, you'll probably regret not being there, for her, if you stay home.

[Crow]

Sorry for your loss.

There is too little I can say after so many wise opinions. It seems some of us had been in a similar situation and just "swallow the toad" as we say around here, sometimes you just have to do that.

Good luck and travel safe.

[smileeb]

Sorry for your loss, go, you and your mother know you are better without
those ex's and the ex's will see that you are and happier then they could of made you.

[MGBguy]

Condolences.

As I don't know the degree of your family relationships it's hard to give advice.

My late mother used to hold the idea of racking up "brownie points"; that of doing something above and beyond what was expected.

I've never been 100% on this, but sometimes it feels good to "man up" and just do something that might surprise others.

Just don't ever make a big deal of it.

My father once said, "character is something you build". However lame it may sound, I'm good with that.

[Rudge]

You guys have all given me great insight.

Thanks.

I will not make the trip.

After a lengthy phone conversation, I truly believe that she does not need my physical presence.

Again, Thanks for all your insight. 

   

[AndrzejL]

I will not make the trip.

After a lengthy phone conversation, I truly believe that she does not need my physical presence.

A good choice in my honest opinion. Someone here (just checked - dcwbis) said something that I agree with. If You feel like it - visit Your mum when everyone leaves - after the funeral - again - if You feel like it. This way You can spend some quality time together without the whole hassle of meeting people You do not really like. What's a five hours drive... I was downloading upgrades longer then that...

Cheers.

Andrzej