Privacy Policy

[Texstar]

Privacy Policy

We firmly believe that privacy is unimportant and meaningless to you. If it were not, you probably would not have a Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn account: and you certainly wouldn't ever use a search engine like Google. If you're one of those tin-foil-hat crazies that actually cares about privacy: stop using our services and get a life.

We agree with Mark Zuckerberg when he pithily opined "The age of Privacy is Over."

Our privacy policy is a reflection of this conviction. Therefore, to satisfy the absurd privacy requirements of various legal entities (and so you understand exactly where you stand with us) we are pleased to present our privacy policy:

1. We are the company that cares about your privacy. Specifically, while most other companies are concerned with protecting your privacy, we care about profiteering and violating it when expedient or useful.

2. You may think of using any of our programs or services as the privacy equivalent of living in a webcam fitted glass house under the unblinking eye of Big Brother: you have no privacy with us. If we can use any of your details to legally make a profit, we probably will.

3. We will track and log everything we can about all the dirty (and clean) things you do and like with cookies, GPS, secure connections and or whatever technology exists today or becomes available at any time in the future.

4. By using any of our services, you grant us permission to surgically implant a tracking microchip of our choosing in your body and sell all collected information to the highest bidder . . . and to all other bidders. You also agree to regular updates and reinstalls of said device entirely at our discretion for up to 50 years after the end of your natural life.

5. If the opportunity arises to sell or otherwise use this or any information, data or meta data about you or your world, we will jump at that opportunity like a pitbull on a fresh steak

6. Please email us to tell us some of your secrets. We may, at our sole discretion (or lack thereof), broadcast, reveal, sell, manipulate, or otherwise use these secrets, or any information we collect to our benefit whenever, wherever, and however we choose.

7. We are right now looking at you through your webcam. Do you always move your lips like that when you read? We also recorded what you were doing last week and are sending the video to (you know who). If the prior statements are not true, it's because in addition to everything else, we reserve the right to lie to you, and you agree to believe us and hold us harmless for any and all such lies. Furthermore, if we are not recording everything you're doing through your webcam, it's either because we haven't figured out how, you're just not that interesting, or both.

8. We are serious about all of the above. So don't go trying to sue us later with some nonsense like "I thought that was all satire." All your privacy are belong to us. We mean it.

9. Cookies: We like chocolate chip cookies. You agree to furnish any employee or associate of our company with fresh chocolate chip cookies upon request. That's the price of using our programs and or services (in addition to any other price we come up with).

10. Spam. You agree that nothing we do with the access and information you grant to us shall be called Spam: even if it is. We prefer the term "bacon", because . .. mmmmmmmm bacon. 

[Old-Polack]

... truth in advertising ... Priceless! 

[menotu]

From google.blogspot 1/24/2012

Updating our privacy policies and terms of service

In just over a month we will make some changes to our privacy policies and Google Terms of Service. This stuff matters, so we wanted to explain what’s changing, why and what these changes mean for users.

First, our privacy policies. Despite trimming our policies in 2010, we still have more than 70 (yes, you read right … 70) privacy documents covering all of our different products. This approach is somewhat complicated. It’s also at odds with our efforts to integrate our different products more closely so that we can create a beautifully simple, intuitive user experience across Google.

So we’re rolling out a new main privacy policy that covers the majority of our products and explains what information we collect, and how we use it, in a much more readable way. While we’ve had to keep a handful of separate privacy notices for legal and other reasons, we’re consolidating more than 60 into our main Privacy Policy.

Regulators globally have been calling for shorter, simpler privacy policies—and having one policy covering many different products is now fairly standard across the web.

These changes will take effect on March 1, and we’re starting to notify users today, including via email and a notice on our homepage.

Google Privacy Policy Update

What does this mean in practice? The main change is for users with Google Accounts. Our new Privacy Policy makes clear that, if you’re signed in, we may combine information you've provided from one service with information from other services. In short, we’ll treat you as a single user across all our products, which will mean a simpler, more intuitive Google experience.


Our recently launched personal search feature is a good example of the cool things Google can do when we combine information across products. Our search box now gives you great answers not just from the web, but your personal stuff too. So if I search for restaurants in Munich, I might see Google+ posts or photos that people have shared with me, or that are in my albums. Today we can also do things like make it easy for you to read a memo from Google Docs right in your Gmail, or add someone from your Gmail contacts to a meeting in Google Calendar.

But there’s so much more that Google can do to help you by sharing more of your information with … well, you. We can make search better—figuring out what you really mean when you type in Apple, Jaguar or Pink. We can provide more relevant ads too. For example, it’s January, but maybe you’re not a gym person, so fitness ads aren’t that useful to you. We can provide reminders that you’re going to be late for a meeting based on your location, your calendar and an understanding of what the traffic is like that day. Or ensure that our spelling suggestions, even for your friends’ names, are accurate because you’ve typed them before. People still have to do way too much heavy lifting, and we want to do a better job of helping them out.

Second, the Google Terms of Service—terms you agree to when you use our products. As with our privacy policies, we’ve rewritten them so they’re easier to read. We’ve also cut down the total number, so many of our products are now covered by our new main Google Terms of Service. Visit the Google Terms of Service page to find the revised terms.

Finally, what we’re not changing. We remain committed to data liberation, so if you want to take your information elsewhere you can. We don’t sell your personal information, nor do we share it externally without your permission except in very limited circumstances like a valid court order. We try hard to be transparent about the information we collect, and to give you meaningful choices about how it is used—for example our Ads Preferences Manager enables you to edit the interest categories we advertise against or turn off certain Google ads altogether. And we continue to design privacy controls, like Google+’s circles, into our products from the ground up.

We believe this new, simpler policy will make it easier for people to understand our privacy practices as well as enable Google to improve the services we offer. Whether you’re a new Google user or an old hand, please do take the time to read our new privacy policy and terms, learn more about the changes we’re making and understand the controls we offer.

http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/updating-our-privacy-policies-and-terms.html

[menotu]

Where did Google Make Their Money in 2011? (infographic)

http://www.howtogeek.com/103972/where-did-google-make-their-money-in-2011-infographic/

[Neal ManBear]

9. Cookies: We like chocolate chip cookies. You agree to furnish any employee or associate of our company with fresh chocolate chip cookies upon request. That's the price of using our programs and or services (in addition to any other price we come up with).     

10. Spam. You agree that nothing we do with the access and information you grant to us shall be called Spam: even if it is. We prefer the term "bacon", because . .. mmmmmmmm bacon.

     
Mmm-mm - chocolate chip cookies.      
Mmm-mm - bacon.      

[weirdwolf]

7. We are right now looking at you through your webcam.

I knew there was a reason I didn't have one of those (Trust me, there's nothing you want to see here )

9. Cookies: We like chocolate chip cookies. You agree to furnish any employee or associate of our company with fresh chocolate chip cookies upon request. That's the price of using our programs and or services (in addition to any other price we come up with).     

10. Spam. You agree that nothing we do with the access and information you grant to us shall be called Spam: even if it is. We prefer the term "bacon", because . .. mmmmmmmm bacon.

     
Mmm-mm - chocolate chip cookies.      
Mmm-mm - bacon.      

+1
Fried Spam is pretty tasty too.

[bicol_willem]

Soon any demand for privacy could be made punishable.... 

[Old-Polack]

Soon any demand for privacy could be made punishable.... 

... and public, so Jay Leno can use it as fodder for jokes on air, so he can make more money.

[menotu]

The World's Worst Privacy Policy (posted by Andy Greenberg, Forbes)

With the Internet up in arms about the most recent tweaks to Google’s fine print on privacy, it’s helpful to remember: It could be much, much worse.

Another search engine called Skipity, created last June and registered to one Andrew Corley, offers a refreshingly honest example of the privacy policy most companies’ execs would like to implement, but don’t dare to: An absurdly funny, downright contemptuous attack on users’ supposed right to shield their lives from Big Brother that appears to have been written entirely without the influence of lawyers.

After a paragraph of fake legal nonsense with some random latin phrases thrown in, it begins:   see Tex's OP above

................

I reached out to Corley for comment and didn’t hear back from him. But self-destructive terms of service aside, Skipity seems to be a real search engine. Though it mostly acts as a front-end for Bing and Amazon’s site search, it also offers a StumbleUpon-like feature that lets you “skipity” to a random page on the web based on your interests. Those interests can be stored between visits if the user signs up for Skipity’s Facebook app, which gives the site access to the user’s profile data and that of his or her friends.

Probably not a wise move.


Full article

[joechimp]

  I am the joechimp, and I approve of Texstar's message.

                                                            

[ka9yhd]

7. We are right now looking at you through your webcam.

The only thing you will see is my A$$ mooning you.............. Which makes it kinda difficult to type on the laptop. 

[Archie]

I think I'll change careers and sell doormats ... so all the "tin-foil hat crazies" can just hide under it. 

[Neal ManBear]

I think I'll change careers and sell doormats ... so all the "tin-foil hat crazies" can just hide under it. 

     
Does that mat come in triple extra large?      

[Archie]

I am so typically predictable. I actually prefer Item No. 8's "All your privacy are belong to us." BASE! 

[menotu]

Google+ Now Open for Teens

http://googlesystem.blogspot.com/2012/01/google-now-open-for-teens.html

Google+: new safety enhancements, now available for teens

https://plus.google.com/113116318008017777871/posts/hvXAqqHTkZe